My name is Adam, and I’m a gay, FTM transgender individual. My homosexual journey began at the beginning of 8th grade, when I fell in love with a girl. I wasn’t very big on relationships at the time; I had only had 2 boyfriends prior to this, but when I saw this girl, I instantly fell for her. It was a new feeling, and I didn’t really understand it. I had multiple gay friends, so I knew what I was feeling, I just didn’t understand why I was feeling it.
Fast forward about a year and through quite a few girlfriends. I met my current partner in a church. Ironic, right? During that time, I came out as genderfluid. It was a difficult time for me because all of this was quite new. One night, I lied awake thinking about how I had been a tomboy all my life, but some days I still wanted to wear makeup and go shopping. I talked to a good friend about it and they explained to me what gender fluidity was. It sounded normal and matched my situation, so that’s how I identified. I was questioning my gender and sexuality, so I just chose to identify myself with the first words that made sense; bisexual and genderfluid.
At the beginning of 10th grade, I noticed that I only identified as a girl when I forced myself to, so I decided to stop lying to myself, and I came out as transgender. I changed my look, my name, and my pronouns to masculine things, and it felt so right. My partner also came out as trans, which brings me to the gay part. I suppose I’m more pansexual, but I have no intentions of splitting up with my boyfriend, so I’ll just call myself gay.
The hardest part about all of this is my family. They are extremely religious, so I have to be careful about what I wear, do, or say. But I have another family who I know will protect me and be supportive of me no matter what. That family goes to school with me. In fact, one of them is a DCMT promoter, and they’re the most supportive of me. Coming out to my friends was about as hard as coming out to myself. I wasn’t scared that they would make fun of me as others did in the past, I was just scared - scared of nothing, really. I’m a sophomore in highschool, so I still have about 2 years before I can come out to my family; if I come out. It’s probably not safe for me to do so right now, so I’ll have to wait.
I just want everyone reading this to know that there definitely are some rough patches in the LGBTQ community, but in the end, there is always someone who has your back, even if you don’t know it.
- Adam N.